Quarter Life Musings

I’m watching Maalaala mo Kaya with John Lloyd as the lead. Ang galing nya ha! Bilib ako dito, malayo mararating ng batang to, gwapo pa at mukhang mabait.

I remember an article I read in the Sunday Inquirer about this British millionaire giving up his BMW M3 to do full time work for Gawad Kalinga. Was so surprised that he was married to someone I knew back in college! Bianca said for a time he was considered the 9th richest Brit in the world, having a Ferrari and a Porsche as some of his toys. He went through the traditional ligawan daw and all. Tama nga sila, pinagpapala talaga ang mga malapit sa Diyos She’s now carrying their first child.

I’m quite restless nowadays. I don’t know what to think. I hope Fara’s right. In a couple of weeks I should get back on my feet. I should be fine. I should be fine. *sigh*

Big, sweeping gestures as a declaration of love. That’s what any girl needs and deserves. Gestures that the girl would be proud to tell her friends and family over and over again even down to her grandchildren. Gestures that show how she is made special by someone. And the thing is, the most simple and common bears the greater weight. Sadly, I have yet to be the object of these gestures *sigh* Boyfriend driving all the way to Baguio just to pick up the girlfriend, burning with fever at that. Becoming the designated driver of the whole barkada. Being serenaded complete with barong tagalog and flowers and his friends playing the guitar and giving him moral support. My brother would even drive from Paranaque to Navotas twice a week at least, rain or shine, to see his girlfriend. Staging little surprises, albeit Hen Lin siomai on a rainy night. It doesn’t need to be as grand as filling the room with roses - though that would really be something. Sigh.

Now this is what I call fusion of the old and new. For those not in the know, this is a high school computer lab, and the typewriter is on the teacher’s table. So class, can anybody tell me what’s the rationale behind this one?!

We visited a school last Monday for our class to do some mock accreditation, and this definitely takes the cake. Probably if there’s a power outage the students could continue coding with this clunky machine? Francis said that whatever you punch on the typewriter will come out on the whiteboard (not shown here)

Another one for the soundtrack of my life:

TWO SOLITUDES (Level 42)

I saw the longing in your eyes, but I failed to see the anguish you so cleverly disguised. Your needs I clearly read but I never knew your true intentions, they were better left unsaid. I brushed your tears aside, thought I could wipe away the memory but couldn’t push that far inside. You came so full of regret, your body still remembers what your mind learned to forget. Love is lost I’ve found when trust breaks down. Now we meet those two impostors just the same. Always out of bounds when love comes ’round, don’t even have the strength to share the blame. We ride the train of events. We never make our destination, never making any sense. You say you leave without regret, but your body will remember what your mind learns to forget. One love. Two solitudes. There’s no common ground when trush breaks down, though everybody’s love is in the air. Always out of bounds when love comes down. Too scared to climb the wall of our despair. And the sad thing is there’s no end to this. Your tears are like the rain that beats the rain. And I wake at dawn to find you gone, don’t even have the strength to call your name.

Woke up from a very good sleep this morning, free from stomach cramps and worries about school stuff. But then again I just remembered I have to do a lof of things now! Grrr..

Just want to share something which I read from Da Vinci Code this morning… "France - a country renowned for its machismo, womanizing and diminutively insecure leaders like Napoleon and Pepin the Short - could not have chosen a more apt national emblem than a thousand-foot phallus" — the Eiffel Tower! And it reminds me so much of someone I used to know mwahahaha!

Last thing. I read this from someone’s blog: "To know who you are is a great accomplishment, yet to have others know you, love you, care for you and continue to stand by your side is a gift." Very nicely put, Gino

It had been quite a while since I prayed hard before I went to sleep. I was lying in my bed with the lights closed, recounting the events of the day. I realized I have so many things to be thankful for after all, and that God really hasn’t left my side. I don’t want to be preachy here but sometimes I just have to recognize the overwhelming comfort it gives me.

Let’s start with the most shallow. My mobile phone. There is no one independent from their mobile phones nowadays. I could say my life would halt (albeit for a maximum of three days probably) if someone found it in the library and kept it. But nobody did. God is so good and this phone was meant to be with me until it conks out. My most valued toy for two reasons. One, because I don’t memorize numbers anymore. Two, I don’t have the means to buy another one. Of course I wouldn’t settle for just any phone (can’t help it!).

Next, I am so thankful for my friends. They are always there regardless of how long I’ve known them. Some I’ve known for just two weeks who seemed like I’ve known them years ago. Some high school friends who I came across just recently, and even if we were not in the same barkada I could sense they value me as much as I value them. Our laugh trips just tell it all. My friends from college, even if they don’t text as much anymore, they still laugh at the silliest of my hirits. Whether we start philosophizing or just recounting the most pathetic of excuses in turning down guys that I don’t like, have always been something I truly enjoy.

Third, my parents. Imagine the relief I felt when I told them that I would like to go back to school but don’t have the means to, and they acknowledged the fact that I wasn’t enjoying what I was doing and they gave me their blessing. So they sent me back to school and my dad drives me to and from school too! And I am 25 years old hehehe… They pay my bills, they take me shopping, to movies.. it’s like I’m back to being 10 years old! But then again we weren’t living this comfortably back then. My mom never forgets to pray for me, that’s why some school started calling me for interviews now. And her prayers are probably the ones that got me through quite difficult times.

They say that thanksgiving prayers, and not supplication prayers should be given much emphasis. And I agree. Because it expresses appreciation for everything He has given you, and who wouldn’t want that? It may even be the key to being showered with more blessings in the future.

For someone who’s been bumming around for the last month, this stress level is totally foreign. A synthesis paper has to be submitted for my 3:30 class on Saturday so I was already in school at 3:00pm, hoping that I’ll be done by around 5 and just lounge around or start reading on the articles. But no, I checked my email and haven’t found a reply from the prof regarding the approved topic for my empirical paper. I can’t seem to find appropriate articles for the synthesis paper and had trouble looking for references. Then San Beda calls to tell me that I have an interview with the school principal tomorrow at 9:00am. I applied as a high school computer teacher, something that I didn’t really like, and when Des told me they could only offer a 5-figure salary, I decided not to bother.

And so the minutes were rapidly ticking away so I had to make do with what I get. As I stood in line at the photocopier I realized my phone wasn’t with me. So I went back and asked help from the librarians and me getting paler by the minute. She let me borrow her phone so I can ring mine. You could just imagine the stress level shooting up with it replied "Subscriber cannot be reached." Blood probably drained all the way down to my foot and I was mouthing expletives already.  Went down to the bag depository to double check, then went back upstairs. The librarian was worried that some students that came in might have gotten in. Then she had this brilliant idea. The periodicals section was actually a dead spot! I just had to remember where exactly I went. But I combed the area from A to Z as I was looking for references. I thought it was going to be futile. But God is soooo good, I found my phone among the Unitas books. WHEW! I thanked them profusely and she said that I should regularly pray to St. Anthony de Padua, patron of lost things (or so I remembered). I will, definitely, especially for my lost soulmate/true love (yuck can’t believe I said that!)

As I walked to class mom called to tell me I have an exam, panel interview and demo teaching in Southville tomorrow 8am. What?! But in fairness it was promising because it’s for a fourth grade ESL teacher. Not bad! But I dunno if I can be prepared for that. Wasn’t able to catch the contact person at the office but was able to text her and made arrangements that I’ll take the exam tomorrow, and the demo teaching on Monday afternoon, since we’ll be visiting a school in the morning. Good thing she was nice

With everything that has happened, I wasn’t able to eat lunch. Just had foccaccia crostinis for breakfast (with salmon mousse and tomato garlic yum!) and a glass of McDo pink lemonade before I went inside school. But I’m welcoming everything just to get my mind off demons. Rafa was right it’s not even worth being inis for, my brain cells are good for something else.

And yeah, Kokai was in Game K N B! Was bragging to my mom that she was a classmate back in high school. I texted her and she said I should not watch tomorrow’s episode because she’ll lose (oops spoiler!). Owel. I asked her how to join. I just might get lucky you know

Yes I’m seeing red. I felt heat rise up in my chest and turned into cold sweat as it is slowly being uttered. Slapping that person a hundred times or kicking where it hurts will not do justice. I have to do something. I don’t deserve this shit at all. In case I fail to do so (since it’s not in my nature) may karma bring me justice. Grrrr!!!

This is one of CSI Las Vegas Season 5 episodes, where 2 female bodies were found covered in tar. You’ll hear this while the team is working on the block of tar in the lab. Doyle gave me an mp3. Very haunting…

What Becomes of Us (Cinephile)

Empty faces rushing by, no time to stop and smile. THe flashing lights and dizzy heights would make you run a mile. Homeward… The ups and downs and round abouts, where they are leading to? The in-betweens, the silly doubts, how do we make it through? Homeward… Oh… Ah…. Heading homeward… Tell me what becomes of us? Thinking yet be better if never happy with what else. Something more, something new would make it all ok. Homeward… As time gets by we learn so much but still feel so alone. Waiting for the answer for someone to drive us home. Homeward…Oh… Ah.. Heading homeward… Tell me what becomes of us?

If I would compile a soundtrack for my life right now, these would be included. Uh.. I’m not sure about the second one though. I’m just getting carried away.

LEAVING YOU (Session Road)

I’m watching me make a fool of myself, silently speaking my wish to be free. Turning my world inside out, spin my emotions building my doubt. I fed on this strangeness plain and true but there was nothing beneath it I knew. I see myself falling from grace, my life fading without a trace. I’m tired of waiting here for you, can’t waste my time I’m leaving you… And now that you’ve taken the world out of me, I’m left with my body hanging free. As lovers come and comfort me, I’m still left with my misery… I"m tired of waiting here for you, can’t waste my time I’m leaving you.. I’m leaving you…

ORDINARY PEOPLE (John Legend)

Girl I’m in love with you but this ain’t a honeymoon. We’ve passed the infatuation phase. We’re right in the thick of love, at times we get sick of love, it seems like we argue everyday. I know I misbehaved and you made your mistakes and we’ve both still got room left to grow. And though love sometimes hurts I still put you first and we’ll make this thing work but I think we should take it slow… We’re just ordinary people, we don’t know which way to go. ‘Cause we’re ordinary people, maybe we should take it slow… This ain’t a movie, no. No fairytale conclusion y’all, it gets more confusing everyday. Sometimes it’s heaven sent, then we head back to hell again. We kiss, then we make up on the way. I hang up, you call, we rise and we fall, and we feel like just walking away. As our love advances we take second chances, though it’s not a fantasy, I still want you to stay… Maybe we’ll live and learn, maybe we’ll crash and burn, maybe you’ll stay, maybe you’ll leave, maybe you’ll return. Maybe another fight, maybe we won’t survive, maybe we’ll grow we’ll never know, baby you and I…

I suddenly remembered the mp3 Jeff gave me, Kylie and Kermit’s duet of "Especially for You". I doubt it if I would ever be singing that tune…