Quarter Life Musings

I’m listening to two of my favorite songs as of the moment. I wish there’s someone to sing the first one to, and I wish there’s someone who’ll sing me the second one…

EVER AFTER (Bonnie Bailey)

Three years ago my journey began
Chasing down this cure, no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my racing guide in the dark
Just knowing with conviction from the start

The moment your eyes made an introduction
I felt my second violent breath of life
Flawless to the point of being godly
Yet I fell hard for your imperfections

And now we’re slightly weathered, we’re slightly worn
Our hands grip together eye to eye through the storm yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeah
Coz life is a pleasure with you by my side
And there ain’t no current in this river we can’t ride
I still believe in ever after with you

Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like we’re floating when the rest have to climb
You made me believe in love and not the perfect kind
A real messy beautiful twisted sunshine
Emotions volcanic eruptions
We both still care so we’re still alive
Tunnel vision, determination
I want you I want to make it right

You are my twisted sunshine
You are my twisted sunshine

I’M YOURS (Jason Mraz)

well you done done me and you bet i felt it
i tried to be chill but you’re so hot that i melted
i fell right through the cracks and i’m trying to get back
before the cool done run out i’ll be giving it my bestest
nothin’s going to stop me but divine intervention
i reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

i won’t hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait, i’m yours

well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you’re free
look into your heart and you’ll find love love love
listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
ah la peaceful melody
it’s your godforsaken right to be loved love loved love love

so i won’t hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait i’m sure
theres no need to complicate
our time is short
this is our fate, i’m yours

i been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
and bendin over backwards just to try to see it clearer
my breath fogged up the glass so i drew a new face and laughed
i guess what i’m sayin is there ain’t no better reason
to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
its what we aim to do, our name is our virtue

i won’t hesitate no more
no more it cannot wait i’m sure
theres no need to complicate our time is short
it cannot wait, i’m yours

I’m psyching myself that this will be a good day. Puyat na naman ako pero ok lang. Dad made me tosilog, my favorite breakfast. Then Mia texts and wants to meet up with me after lunch para magpameasure na ng gown. Gosh I hope this wedding naman pushes through noh! I will leave for the gym in a while din. Compared to yesterday when I was just here at home nursing some cramps and some other (hehehe). That was bad! I won’t do that again.

Someone from Citibank called me just now and offered me a credit card, but I told her I already have one. "Mam, how about a Citibank Shell or the one affiliated with Mercury Drug?" "Ah ayaw nyo? Okay…." Gosh iha, hindi ka uunlad ng ganyan pano ka makakabenta? Geez.

Naniniwala ako na lahat ng bagay napagsasawaan, lalo na if it doesn’t do you any good. I could say pinagsasawaan ko na lang ngayon, I can’t shake it off rin naman kasi eh. Might as well wallow in it. Kaya lahat ng gusto kong gawin ginagawa ko na, to the point of stupidity. Ok lang yun, eh ganun talaga nararamdaman ko eh. Sino ba ang hindi naging stupid when it comes to matters of the heart? Wala namang makakapagpigil sa kin, maski pride ko pa, or kung anuman ang sasabihin ng iba. Basta I feel this way, so be it. I can’t deny it. If I suppress myself more, I might just blow up and do something totally wrong. For the record, I’m still thinking straight. I just want to be true to myself and attempt to be happy. If it doesn’t bring me happiness, then so be it. It was my doing and I’m aware of the consequences.

Sooner or later I’ll get tired of this. I might be busy with school or work or somebody else and I’ll eventually forget about this, and move on for real (at hindi na urong-sulong). Siguro from exposing myself to this, I would completely understand why things didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to be. Masakit kung masakit, pero paano ka matututo talaga kung hindi ka masasaktan? Oo na, stupid na kung stupid, subjecting yourself to pain when you can very well avoid it. Eh masochist din ako what can I do?

But when that day comes na pinagsawaan ko na talaga, it’s final. Pasensyahan na lang, walang sisihan. Basta ngayon, pinakita ko na, it’s up to that person to do something about it or not.

I salute ABS-CBN for being the first one to make a very lucrative business out of the Pinoy’s penchant for talking about other people’s lives. Talagang milking for all its worth. Imagine, Pinoy Big Brother has TV exposure 7 days a week, and Mondays to Fridays, I think may updates pa morning and night. It has made stars out of the 12 housemates in their own right. Well, except for Raquel and Cass that I hate now. Ang arte kasi sobra eh. I’m still for Uma not only because I find him cute hehehe. Kasi naman, tama lang that he apologize to Sey because the other two shouldn’t have danced dirty if they didn’t want to in the first place. Puro pabibo lang kasi eh. Ayan tuloy. Well at least nagkaroon ng happening. I have to admit, they don’t lead very interesting lives to be talked about for 100 days. Ok na rin yun. Yikes, I myself am hooked. What more pa thousands of Filipinos who are unemployed like me? I was thinking nga what would happen if I was one of the 12. Walang TV, phone at contact to the outside world for 100 days?! Nagpa-evict na ko siguro

It’s term break, I’m a bum and I’m left with my thoughts. I’m really depressed. A few hours at the gym can’t lift up my mood. Haaay. I dunno where to go, all my friends are busy with work Bigat ng feeling nakakainis, hindi ko naman maiyak…

"An idle mind is the devil’s playfellow."

50th post and the first term is over!!! Well at least the finals part, but I still have to go to Marikit’s class this afternoon to hand in my take home exam. Now I really need to catch up on sleep. I look like a zombie, my throat hurts and I feel that I’m going to get sick again My eyes are drooping, and I’m hungry. You know what I just did? Swallowed a capsule (my herbal supplement) whole with just my saliva. Eww. Was too lazy to look for a drinking fountain eh

Another thing’s over. And it’s so sad. I almost wasn’t able to study last night because of what I heard. It’s still a big mystery to everyone but it was probably meant to happen. It saddens me that it has to happen to one of my closest friends. And it shatters my understanding of perfection. If the only one you look up to, the basis of the standards you’ve set, crumbles in front of your very eyes, what else is there to believe in? Oh, there’s one - the fact that all guys are assholes? (Sorry, hindi naman siguro.) No, seriously. I always thought that those kinds of guys were extinct (I even wrote on his testimonial), and I’ve been praying that I’d get to meet someone of that kind. Apparently the seemingly perfect ones may catch din pala, and you’ll only get to realize it when it’s too late. Makes you really confused about love and relationships in general. Haaay… Mag madre na lang kaya ako? Nyek, as if tatanggapin ako sa convent hehehe…

At long last I know what happened why I can’t seem to post on my blog. I have to clear the cache lang pala because of the cascading style sheets. O alam nyo yun? Hehehe ang galing ni bespren Doyle!

Yesterday was our last day with Dr. Munoz. Just like the past classes it went overtime again so I had to buy Carlo a double cheeseburger meal. But I was able to resist the french fries yahoo!

I just realized last night that I don’t like flirts (bakit napaka sudden naman, you may ask. Wala lang basta hehehe). It’s so superficial and I don’t hate those kind of games. If I like someone and he starts flirting with me, I get turned off right away. Weird ba? Wala lang. Parang nanggagago kasi eh. Especially if the guy found out that I like him and he starts acting weird afterwards. Parang hello, ego trip ba pare?! It’s just a crush you know, no big deal. But if you insist, I’ll play your game as well… though the trouble about it is I might not be able to tell the game from the real thing later on :/

Gosh "-ber" month na next week. No wonder it’s not that humid anymore. At malapit na naman ang Christmas. Parang ayoko pa. Don’t let me hear any carols!

I am waiting for the 11:30 mass then I’ll eat lunch. I can’t wait to present this afternoon just to be over and done with it. Sayang nga I could go out sana tonight but no one’s inviting There is one person I’d rather see, but then again I can’t really do much about it for reasons I’m not telling haha.I don’t know why I was so affected by that remark made by a friend, and here I find myself wondering and wondering where everything went wrong and why things aren’t happening the way I would have wanted to be and if there would be a resolution to all this. But then again I find myself relieved that things have resulted to this, otherwise I might have made a fool of myself again.

Oops, time for mass.

What on earth happened to Friendster?! Since Monday hindi na ako makaupdate ng blog. Or maybe because I’m using a different computer now? Is this my karma for posting every single day? Huhuhu… Naku I’m sure some people were looking forward to seeing a new post from me (hahaha ang yabang!) Pero konti na lang magtitwitch na yung face ko (ano yun addict?! mwahaha!)

Yahoo magaling na ko.. slight Pero tumatahol pa rin ng konti, but I’m on my way to recovery na. Had a close look at the phlegm I hawked out the other day.. it looked something like… an oyster. GROSS!!!! Baka hindi nyo na ko ibefriend hehehe… OK tama na.

I’m almost done with my empirical paper! Konting revisions na lang and I’ll prepare my presentation materials in a while. Yahoo the first term is almost over! Can’t wait…

I saw in Discovery channel the other day, they had a feature on burying beetles. They’re insects that thrive on carcasses of rodents, etc. They showed a male and female beetle going into a frenzy from the stench of the dead shrew they were carrying back to their quarters (sorry I forgot the term hehe) and they fornicate ON TOP of the carcass. I dunno how long it took but the female eventually laid her eggs on the carcass, and the grubs eventually finished it off. I loved it!!!

I have too much in my mind right now, I’ll post more later…

The whole family went to my mom’s high school reunion today (SPCP batch 70). Yuck 35 years na ang tatanda na nila hahaha! Nakakatawa rin sila kasi one brough their yearbook and really old pictures. My mom was still the smallest ata in their batch eh. But for me the youngest looking naks! Some were grannies na pala, but don’t look like it. They had games, and even voted for officers for their so-called alumni association, eh ni show of hands nga wala eh! Kung sino lang trip nilang maging officer. And they scheduled another reunion in October. Saya rin Hey mga Kulasa batchmates ko, kelan na reunion?!