Quarter Life Musings

I heard this song again last Saturday, and the words are perfect…

And it’s all behind us now
Cause we’ve learned to live somehow without each other
And its easy to see it ain’t never gonna be the same again

And then they play a Lenny Kravitz CD at the gym this afternoon.

HEAVEN HELP

There comes a time to be free of the heart
I wanna be ready, ready to start
On a love journey, got places to go
Made up my mind and I have got to let you know

Heaven help the heart that lets me inside
Heaven help the one who comes in my life
Heaven help the fool that walks through my door
‘Cause I decided right now I’m ready for love

A funny feeling’s coming over me
Now I’m inspired and open to being
In a love place but it’s out of my hands
I’m telling you baby that you got to understand

Heaven help the heart that lets me inside
Heaven help the one who comes in my life
Heaven help the fool that walks through my door
‘Cause I decided right now I’m ready for love

I can’t see what’s out there for me
And I know love offers no guarantees
I’ll take a chance and I’m telling you something babe
I got to let you know

Heaven help the heart that lets me inside
Heaven help the one who comes in my life
Heaven help the fool that walks through my door
‘Cause I decided right now I’m ready for love

Take a chance, take a chance on love

Teka lang. I might have a person in mind, pero hanggang dun pa lang. Yikes. Mukhang lalabas na si Sam *gulp*. Remember Bianx I told you there was something that has to do with Sam? Hmmm….

I’ve always thought a guy could never be too torpe for someone they really really like. I’m not sure what to make of this, but what if you meet someone your type and he has all your contact numbers and yet he never calls nor texts, but 4 months down the line he still asks about you? You forwarded him a joke then you find out from your friend that he is clueless on how to reply? How can you say "he’s just not into you?"

I’ve been dared to call him instead but I can’t seem to bring myself to do so. Come on, after approaching a stranger to hand out your number written on a piece of tissue you can’t do this Tere? I think the magic brew did the trick that night. But I guess finishing off one case will not make me do this - for one thing I’ll be unconscious by then

Torpe rin naman pala mga girls. Especially if it’s a serious liking. I guess it works for both genders that way. But women have an excuse, they’re not supposed to make the first move. Or should/could we, in this day and age?

Talaga bang eto ang gawin kong title ng post ko?! Hehehe. Lokaret talaga. Sorry if I became the complete opposite of my bitchy self from my last post. See? Perfect example of my erratic behavior. All because of this magic brew they call Pale Pilsen from the closing of Oktoberfest at the Fort Strip na parang ginawa ko lang tubig. I don’t normally chug on beer that much kasi.

Anyhoo I had a really great time with Mons, Guadz, Chris and Jay. Three bands played and Rox caught my eye. Yuck ang baduy! Anyway he really resembles someone from my distant past pero mas gwapo sya. Teka ano ba ko balik high school?! And I again did something totally out of my character - I gave my number. Syempre with the help of Mons. Of course after freezing when I saw him as the elevator doors opened. Hindi ko alam kung cheesy or what pero I was really glad he was polite enough to text Ewan ko bigla ako nagising from my stupor hahaha… As my head cleared this afternoon I made my research. Thank God for Friendster talaga hehehe… And what do you know? He’s around 5 years younger than me, and I think the youngest kid of Rico J. So…. yun lang. Wala lang, natuwa lang ako I don’t know if I’ll get to see his band play again but who knows?

I have tried to understand the way you think, the way you act. I thought in time maturity will catch up on you and you’ll start thinking twice before doing or saying anything. It’s been months since I saw you, and it’s been weeks of ignoring each other. We were okay with that setup right? You are living your life the way you want it, and I’ve been living mine the same. Perfect.

And this morning I hear from you. Without much ado, you ask a favor for me. Yes it may sound such a small thing to ask (after all, sabi mo magaling ako sa ganun), but have you actually thought of the context it came with? We don’t communicate anymore and here you are asking me to help revise your resume because you say you can’t do it and you just need it. The gall to ask me straight out for a favor when you even ignored my last formal attempt at communication. I wasn’t surprised, but APPALLED. It’s funny how blatantly kapalmuks you can be - you just asked me how I was and went directly straight to the point. When will you ever learn the right way to communicate? When will you grow up?

You know what? I would have helped you if you at least showed sincerity in checking on how I’ve been for the past weeks. You could have even made kwento about how you were. You could have made our conversation a little bit friendlier (after all you said it might be better if we’re friends). But no. I dunno what you think of me now - as your teacher or nanny or what? Friends do not treat each other that way. You show you care, not only when you need something. That’s why I don’t consider you as a friend anymore.

I would have asked you what’s in it for me but decided against it. You don’t have anything that I need nor want. Because I know what I want now. You know what I’ve realized? You must have had a f****d up childhood, hence your hangups, your fixations. The case studies I’ve been reading in school? They are an accurate "before" picture of you. I would have wanted to help you but you’re too stubborn for your own good.

You’ve told me when you want something you get it right away. Not this time dude. And you better get used to that because you cannot have everything you want right away. Grow up pare. Sabihin mo nang I’m blowing it out of proportion, but as I’ve said in one of the surveys I answered, I could be "non-confrontational unless provoked". Well you’ve provoked me now. Ako bihira lang magalit, and this is one of the very rare occasions.Tignan mo, dere-derecho ko to nasulat kasi nanggigigil talaga ako sa yo.  But then again, you don’t really like to read, right? I think this is too long for you to comprehend. Of course I’m assuming you read my blog, but you probably don’t hehehehe. Good for you if you don’t.

It’s almost 2am and I still am online. Although I’m sleepy I don’t think it’s a good idea to go straight to bed (even if I have to wake up at 9am tomorrow) because I still feel bloated *vomit*

It’s been a pretty long day. Got to school really early so I wasn’t able to have breakfast. It was too bad that we weren’t able to report because of time constraints. And something happened in class that I hope we’ll all get over with by next week. By 12nn Chris picked me up, then Guadz, and ate at Buddy’s - kesong puti pizza and lucban pancit (or something). SSSOOOO GOOOOOD! I think I ate a little bit more than usual and I was stuffed. I knew it, I’ll be having my period in the next two weeks with the way I’ve been stuffing myself.

We were supposed to watch Monica’s badminton game but decided to spend time at Rockwell’s Power Station. The air hockey was fun (I wish I had mastered it back when we stayed at Tita Winnie’s) and I tried the Dance Maniax and it was quite embarrassing that I couldn’t get it. I guess I chose a really fast song. And then for the first time I tried the Daytona racing. And again, I finished last. So what? Chris said a few more tries and I’ll be an expert. Now I plan to practice at ATC in the morning where there won’t be too many people around hahaha….

We went back to pick up Monica and decided to go up to Leslie’s Tagaytay for dinner. Can you say COLD?! But it was still great! Literally pamatay ang crispy bulalo with gravy and kare-kare. Haaaay. Check ko muna BP ko… Ayoko na kumain for the rest of the week talaga. Sa sobrang busog napayosi pa ko I think for the whole night I had 3-4 sticks. Bad, bad! All the while I thought I had quit completely.

Checked out Paseo de Sta. Rosa’s crowd afterwards. We saw the Nike outlet store still open, and can I just say that store is evil!!! I swear I was about to bring out my Mastercard (if only!) for this pair of running shoes below 2K! And there were dri-fit tops around P700, bottoms under 1K, swimsuits under P1300. Sigh. I really need to find a job. I will definitely go back there before Christmas.

What do you know we decided to head straight to Metrowalk afterwards! Can you say what a waste of gas (especially when you think about the implementation of the E-VAT by November 1st). If I was in Chris’ shoes my knees would have buckled up with fatigue but he wasn’t complaining naman. And so there was an Oktoberfest celebration pala, along with an RX event at Phi. We got seats in front of Iceberg’s and we had fries (too bland) along with our beer (freshly brewed Pale, manageable naman but I still prefer SML). Monica’s friends came over too.

It was a night of good-looking people watching. Saw a few celebrities too. I was hoping I’d see him, and even mistaken someone for him. The stranger had a cap and for a while their backs looked the same. But the stranger didn’t have the signature swagger that I’ve noticed which he continued to deny. Owel. I wonder if he’s in Pier One then. I just want to know what would happen if I’d bump into him somewhere. Wala lang. I dunno why I bother to even think about it. It even crossed my mind that I’ll have someone text him and flirt with him to see if he’ll fall for it. But then again, I won’t allow myself to fully become the pathetic crazy woman that only myself is aware of (hopefully just myself).

My eyes are drooping. I think I’m assigned the first reading for tomorrow’s 10:30am mass. Ugh. I hope I’ll not wake up with pillows reeking of yosi

Nineteen minutes before my class. I just saw Misty going up to the second floor of the library. I’m still sleepy from continuously sleeping way way past midnight, and it’s taking its toll on my eyes. Mamya sabihin na naman nila meron na namang bumabagabag sa kin. Wala noh! Kunyari hehehe…

Some friends text every now and then to ask how I am. I tell them I’m the same old lost crazy schizophrenic whose erratic behavior changes every week (haha I’m kidding, but the erratic behavior is true). One moment I’m overwhelmed with how good things are going (the hills are alive with the sound of music….) and the next week I’m bawling my eyes out because of depression. Don’t get me wrong. I’m completely sane (or so I think) but there are some moments when I’m left all alone to ponder on things and that’s where my trouble starts. To all my good friends, I think you fairly know what or who causes this unnecessary pondering. Why oh why? For one, I’m too bored out of my wits. Two, school is too easy (babatuhin na ko ng mga Lasallista nito hehehe). Three, I have a really hyperactive imagination. I can NOT talk for hours on end, but my mind is on overdrive with so many images it could not possibly fit a 1GB memory card (high-res rin kasi yung images ko hahaha). Sometimes though it conks out during midterms and/or finals (darn). Fourth, secret! To all my single friends alam nyo na yun (naks clue hehehe). I’m just tired of reiterating things, para akong sirang plaka or recordable CD na defective. I should not be thinking about it too much really. But you know what? I’m starting to get used to it. Really. Promise. Seriously? Now why does it seem like I need to convince myself more?

I slept at 4:30am this morning and woke up at 10:30 with a splitting headache. I wasn’t able to go to the gym because I had to be in school by 4pm and I still have to read up on something. Kanina I saw Kontrobersyal’s trailer about the alleged rip-off of the The Care’s "Chandeliers", which is more commonly known as Orange and Lemon’s "Pinoy Ako." I thought I won’t be able to catch it, but Kontrobersyal is on now, and my eyes are half closed. Ano ba, inuna pa yung feature on DLSU’s ineligible players! Haaay ang tagal…

Jason’s sporting a mohawk now. Kulang na lang ng bling-bling at balbas, hilaw na Mr. T ang labas nya hehehe…

I was still dreaming of Holy Kettle Corn as of last night and I couldn’t contain myself when I found out we’re going to Glorietta even if I was not sure if there was a HKC stand somewhere there. Anyway we found their stand at the Activity Center (thanks to Nadj) and initially bought one small bag. Lola and Mom were looking around for shoes, and before they finished I bought another big bag and a small one for Carlo to bring to the office tomorrow. I opened the bag while we were still in Landmark and you could imagine how I looked like hugging a bag of popcorn and stuffing myself with one hand

But I take back what I said that I could eat it for a whole week. I don’t think I can. Right now I’m trying to finish the rest of the big bag. I completely satiated myself to the point that I don’t want to see another bag anymore, just like my satiety for Hungarian pesto pasta (let that green thing out of my sight!) That’s my problem. If I get to like some food I’ll continually crave for it until I reach the point that it will make me feel nauseated. Madali ako magsawa pag laging meron. Hmmm doesn’t that also hold true for the guys that I get involved with? Mwahahaha. I’m kidding! I dunno

I’m waiting for my most favorite movie on HBO, 50 First Dates. Never fails to make me cry during that scene where Lucy decides to completely erase Henry from her life by rewriting her journal. Waaah! Why aren’t there any more Henry Roths around?! If there could just be someone who could make me fall in love with him every single day…. in your dreams Tere, in your dreams!

"..the nympho is the state bird of Ohio…"

First time in sooo long since I got home that early (5am haha). Woke up at 3pm, drenched in sweat (it was so freaking hot!). Now I’m eating spaghetti, it’s Joyce’s 6th birthday. I dunno where my parents are.

Last night was a blast! It was Chris’ birthday and we had a videoke night at Guadz’ place. Check out the songs I sung - Love Will Lead You Back, Especially for You, Same Ground… what was I thinking?! It must be the vodka hehehe…

I have a new favorite. If there’s one thing aside from maraschino cherries that I could eat the whole day for a week, it would be Holy Kettle Popcorn! Putek it is soooo good I must’ve eaten half the big bag last night, even if I had eaten too much pichi-pichi for my own good hehehe…

Anyway, here’s a song I could still somewhat relate to until now…

SAME GROUND (Kitchie Nadal)

My love,
Its been a long time since i cried
and left you out of the blue.
Its hard leaving you that way when
I never wanted to.

Self-denial is a game
Its strange i never would’ve
wanted if until there was you.

Because i have learned that love is beyond
what human can imagine,
the more it clears the more i have to let you go.

But now i don’t understand why im feeling
so bad now when i know it was my idea.
i could’ve just denied the truth and
lied. but why am i the only one standing stranded
on the same ground?

My love,
Its been a long time since i cried
and left you out of the blue.
Its hard leaving you that way when
I never wanted to.

Self-denial is a game
Its strange i never would’ve
wanted if until there was you.

Because i have learned that love is a
word gets thrown a little bit too much.
the best excuse to fill the infinite abyss
i have never have to if all else fail

If all else fail, would you be there to love me
If all else fail, would you be brave to see right
through me?

Sigh.

Now I know why I shouldn’t be messing with my hair. I cut about an inch from my bangs and I think I shortened it a little bit too much. Now I have to wear a hairpin because it’s getting in my eyes :S

But what do you know, I got my old blue jeans from junior high school and it fits me now I can’t believe it!!! I think I’ll be unearthing old jeans tomorrow morning hahaha. Pag tuloy tuloy to I might actually have the guts to wear a two-piece when I go back to Boracay and Bohol next year when the rest of the clan comes home. Yahoo!

I was feeling a little restless when I got to school. There were things I suddenly remembered that made me text Des (to pray for me hahaha). It’s sad things haven’t changed and I still get affected. I don’t think I’ll ever get over completely (totally contradicting my previous bulletin post)! What can I do, that’s how things are and will be, I guess. Unless…

I have a new favorite. Craig David is sooo back with this song. It’s heartbreaking *sob*

DON’T LOVE YOU NO MORE (I’m Sorry)

For all the years that I’ve known you baby
I can’t figure out the reason why lately you’ve been acting so cold
(didn’t you say)
If there’s a problem we should work it out
So why you giving me the cold shoulder now
Like you don’t even wanna talk to me girl (tell me)
Ok I know I was late again
I made you mad and then it’s throwing the pan
But why are you making this drag on so long
(i wanna know)
I’m sick and tired of this silly games
Don’t figure that I’m the only one here to blame
It’s not me here who’s been going round slamming doors
That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I’m sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it’s, too late, to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

I know that I made a few mistakes
But never thought that things would turn out this way
Cause I’m missing something now that your gone
(I see it all so clearly)
Me at the door with you inner state
Giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face
That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more.

Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I’m sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it’s, too late, to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more

Don’t say those words it’s so hard
They turn my whole world upside down
Girl you caught me completely off guard
On the night you said to me
I just don’t love you no more.