Quarter Life Musings

I’ve realized too late that I shouldn’t be left alone to kill time in a mall. I succumbed to buying another pair of Havaianas at Rustan’s yesterday (Saturday), just when I thought I got my shopping impulses under control. They’re a pretty pair of pink, gold and brown stripes with gold straps, just perfect for my pink and brown frenzy as of late. Sigh. And still the chocolate brown Mary Jane Crocs at Serendra are still calling out to me like Arnaud shouting "I need salt! I need salt!" for his hardboiled egg during Snack Time. Tragedy to my wallet, as this will be the first of many purchases that I would most likely make in the next few weeks, but hardly a tragedy to anyone else.
But this is not the tragedy I’m referring to. It’s the four intertwining stories of  miscommunication, frustration and the universality of familial love in Babel, the Golden Globe winner for Best Picture. I doubt if everyone will appreciate this film, but I did. It presents a rich tapestry of images from the mountains of Morocco, the bustling streets of Tokyo and a quaint Mexican wedding celebration. As much as I would like to see these places myself, the fear of the unknown would most likely rein me in. *SPOILER ALERT* Imagine, in the middle of a desert you are sleeping in a tour bus then a bullet from nowhere goes through your shoulder and the nearest hospital is 4 hours away.  The nearest village only has a faith healer and your co-tourists want to ditch you as they fear terrorists are out to get them too. I might just stick with the city tour when I do find myself in Central Asia.
It’s Chieko that I feel strongly for. People feel alienated despite being surrounded by noise and more people. I myself felt that at some point in my life, I bet you did too. What more is the frustration and loneliness deaf-mute Chieko felt? It didn’t help that her mother committed suicide, she can’t manage to connect to her father, and the guy she likes think she’s a freak. Too much burden for anyone, much more for a teenager. And the highly-energized disco scene where Chieko could only feel faint thumps? The saddest scene for a music buff like me. Thank God my senses are all working perfectly!
Amelia’s plight is something that could have been avoided had it not been for her son and wanting to be part of his wedding. She was a loving nanny, and did everything she knew was right. Of course the law and power tripping police officers thought otherwise and deported her as she was accused with kidnapping Debbie and Mike. Sometimes we really can’t expect people to act the way we want them to, as they sometimes prove to be incapable. There has to be a bit more understanding and patience from us. It’s sad, though, that some people tend to take advantage of this, and we can’t help but doubt other people’s intentions.
Yussef’s love for his brother made him admit to shooting the tour bus with the rifle. It’s a brave act for a small boy like himself, but then again, his family is the most valuable thing he’s got in his life in the desert. What started out as play for two Moroccan boys has been deemed as a terrorist act by the group of tourists and the rest of the world. I dunno, but there seems too be too much paranoia going around. One has to be wary of everyone else. Supposedly good intentions suddenly have underlying evil ploys. No wonder cynicism blankets us more than the ozone layer.

I knew it’s going to be a good Sunday when I saw our helper serving kare-kare for lunch. It’s one of my favorites; just catching a whiff of the peanut sauce makes me throw my diet plans out the window in an instant. What the heck, I only live once. And when I finally leave, I will no longer have a lola instantly granting my kare-kare request.
Twas the family’s first trip to Tiendesitas late in the afternoon. Too bad we didn’t catch the dog show. There wasn’t much to see, and I’m glad I wasn’t in the mood for shopping, thank God. The antiques were interesting, but really, old furniture and creepy statues of saints don’t really go well with a hyperactive imagination such as mine. I don’t think I’ll ever fill my future house with somebody else’s old things lest I want to be kept up all night with paranoia.
We went around the pet shops and I was smitten with the chow chows I’ve seen. They looked so cuddly! If I did have the dough to buy a dog, that would be my pick. If only I had the time to take care of one, and if only my mom and my brother weren’t asthmatic I would probably save up for one now. When I finally buy my own house, I’ll get that as my first dog, along with some trendy minimalist furniture.
There was a stall in the Food Village that sold pritchon. How I’ve wanted to try it since I read about it in the paper. It was good, but the pita bread that I filled with adobo flakes and veggies were far better. And less fattening! That and ginataang kuhol, barbecue, tortang alimasag and sisig, we were stuffed.
We were all craving for dessert and I suggested some cupcakes from Sonja’s at Serendra. My brother was insisting on Krispy Kreme but my mom was curious about the expensive cupcakes too. There was a short line but a few flavors left on display and I ended up buying Berries n’ Cream, Vanilla Surprise, Bunny Huggers and Lemon Drop. Too bad Peppermint Patty was out of stock already, I’m sure that’s good. I was told the other flavors will be brought out at 10pm pa. Nyek forget it.
We had coffee with the cupcakes at Figaro while my brother and I were convincing our mom to buy us Crocs. It’s funny that we got more family bonding time now that Carlo and I are in our mid-20s. It’s good you know, because I’ve only got at most two years to do this. And then I have to act like a real grownup and do everything on my own.
And now I’m crying as I write. It just hit me that the time will finally come when I’ll leave, because it’s part of my life plan. It feels good that I finally figured out what I want, but it will entail a lot of sacrifices on my part. For one, my thesis, which I hope would run as smoothly as I hope when I finally start it. And the most difficult of all would be separating from my family. I remembered the time when we flew home from the States and we left my dad behind because he wanted to try his luck there. We were all crying as if we’d never see each other again! But he was back after 6 months naman. How much bawling would I do pa kaya when it’s my turn? Hay nako, baby pa talaga ko…

Admittedly, it’s not the most profound tagline in the world,
but it works, because Heroes had already dethroned Prison Break from the number
one spot of my list of addictions.
Spontaneous
regeneration. Telepathy. Phasing. The power of flight. The power of persuasion.
Precognition and power mimicry. An alter ego with superhuman strength. Painting
the future. Bending the time and space continuum. These terminologies have been
added to the vocabulary of couch potatoes like me. The 11 episodes increased
the value of my Zen, and now I can’t wait for the 12 episode to be shown on the
22^nd (Ang tagal!!!). Kudos to NBC and the team of Tim Kring for
coming up with a gem like this.
Like
everyone else, I was absolutely entertained by Hiro Nakamura and the way his
face scrunches up when he concentrates before traveling through time. *Sigh* He’s
so adorable! Masi Oka became much more endearing when I found out he was a
science and math whiz whose picture appeared on the cover of Time Magazine when
he was still a kid. And he works for George Lucas and was responsible for the
killer waves in The Perfect Storm.
Crush ko na talaga sya!
Milo
Ventimiglia is also hot, and I like his bangs. I hope Simone doesn’t come back
in future episodes, panira lang sya! Peter’s power mimicry is the one I’d like
to have because it’s the most powerful. But the big question is, which power
does he mimic when he’s around several of their kind? Does he absorb the power
just a bit for the meantime or he absorbs it for good until he becomes the most
powerful?

I’ve seen Geoff Eigenmann several
times at the boxing gym and have snatched several glimpses as I drew my punches.
Ryan may have more appeal but I already liked Geoff the first time he entered
showbiz. Yuck starstruck! Anyhoo, Melvin, my trainer knows and even suggested
that I be ready with a camera for a photo op. Nye.
            Friday, I wasn’t planning to go
boxing because I lacked sleep. Melvin texts to say that Geoff just came in and
I bolted upright, completely awake, and rushed to pack my things.
            I came in and was already doing
floor exercises. Figured my day would be complete by just looking at him. I
went on with my routine and he was there walking around. As Melvin and I
finished with several rounds with the punching mitt, he suddenly taps Geoff on
the shoulder as he was leaving and said, “Geoff, si Teri, estudyante ko (Bisaya
eh!).” And he flashed me a smile. Artista eh, so friendly. MY GOSH, WHAT A
KILLER! Perfect teeth, lips and even the crinkles around the mouth and eyes.
Unbelievable. Maybe I smiled naman, embarrassingly, that is. Then I heard Melvin
say something like, “Tagahanga mo sya…” PUTEEEEEK! If only I could summon all
the gods to make the earth open up. Then of course I already wasn’t in the
right mind to say something witty to redeem myself. But then again, I should
not expect a lot from Melvin, it was even heartwarming that he tried to
introduce me because he can see how I stare at him hahaha. Binatukan ko na lang
si Melvin and told Geoff, “Ah, wag ka maniniwala dyan…” Parang natawa lang ata
sya. Basta I don’t remember. And maybe my last line was much worse than what
Melvin said. Sigh. I wonder if I can still redeem myself from this, to think I
was trying to maintain what little poise I have.

I’ve gotten tired of reading horoscopes, they contradict
each other anyway. I first read that Monkeys would be one of the luckiest this
year and then I hear on the radio that Monkeys better take precaution for
unfavorable things to come. Ano ba talaga, kuya? My Dad’s right. Your future
solely depends on what you do and the decisions you make. To hell with
tiger-eye charms, I’m feeling lucky, baby!
A spanking new year always makes me excited. The perfect time to reflect on past
decisions and study new ones to be made, anticipate exciting events that could
come my way in the next 12 months. I’ve gotten used to making my New Year’s
resolutions around this time, and now it doesn’t bother me as much if I deviate a little
bit. Here’s hoping I achieve these goals by year’s end. And I’ll reward myself
with something when I do. I dunno yet with what
1. Shed at least 20 lbs by April. I’m just counting on my thrice-a-week
2-hour boxing sessions and the assumed opening of Slimmers at Festival by first
quarter. I can kill time while waiting for my tutorials to start on days that I
can’t go boxing. Absolutely cannot do away with sweets (we have a stash of mint chocolates at home), but I can condition
myself not to take in carbs, except when it’s the time of the month.
2. Get published the third time. I’ve got something up my sleeve for
my next Youngblood piece, and I hope I have the time to write it, and enough
inspiration to do so in time for Valentine’s. Tacky as it may seem but it just
is. If I make it good, maybe they would include it in the next compilation.
That would really make my year.
3. Ace my remaining subjects. This includes getting my thesis proposal
right the first time, so I won’t extend beyond a year doing it. What I would
give to graduate early! Time is flying by so fast. In no time I’ll
be 30 and my US visa will expire.
4. I will learn to drive. Like I
said on a previous post, I state my future as if it were fact. And so I will
get around by myself before the year ends – do errands for the house, meet up
with friends, watch a movie, try a new resto whenever I feel like it. I won’t
mind not having my own car, I won’t be around that long to enjoy it anyway. At
least I’m prepared when I leave. Can’t wait! Mon, I owe you a joyride. And most
especially to Cathi with whom I’ve gone several joyrides with.
5. Rid myself of
debts. After paying off my Dad, I will refrain from using my credit cards.
I don’t need more clothes, maybe just a pair of Mary Jane Crocs and another
pair of Havaianas hehehe. I will not allow myself to succumb to sale events
again, if I can help it.
6. Read at least 2
books a month. With the opening of Powerbooks at Festival, this won’t be
hard to do, unless there’ll be too much work for practicum. I still have a
stack of unread books at home which I’ll finish first.
7. Keep my friends. It was bad that I’ve severed several ties last
year, and I promise to take care of my friendships from now on. Seems like
there’s nothing left to fix with those relationships anyway, and I’d be surprised if they manage to mend itself through time. I admit I handled my issues
in not so mature ways and I hope I could make up for them this year.
8. Refrain from procrastinating. There’s so much to do at work and in school in the next three months that if I don’t organize my priorities I might end up bingeing and that would be the end of me

I think these are enough for now. I might not even accomplish all of them, but I hope I would *cross fingers*

Before I totally forget the year gone past, lemme wax nostalgic about the highlights of 2006. Can’t say it was the best, but it’s far from being the worst. By "highlights", I don’t mean just the good things, but also events I’ve gotten the most wisdom from.
January
Boracay weekend with the family at Club Panoly. Would’ve been more fun if I was with friends, but it was all good, considering it was all-expenses paid. The resort was peaceful and quiet…too quiet for my own good haha! But Boracay’s Boracay… my favorite place in the world.
March
The first Saturday has always been my birthday celebration at my house. First time I had videoke and the last guests left at 4am already. Old and new friends came and of course it was a lot of fun, I hope my guests enjoyed the night as much as I did. Can’t wait for this year! Now pa lang excited na ko… more guests, more booze, more fun! To all my friends, please reserve the night of March 3 for me!
April
Spent the Holy Week in HongKong. The hotel we stayed in was a letdown (let’s not talk about it) but my new DVD videocam compensated for it (and my bro’s PSP)! Will never forget Disneyland and its sights. Sigh. If only I can spend the rest of my life there hehehe. Vowed to visit all the Disneylands in the world before I die (along with my tour of Europe).
May
Someone smashed my heart to pieces, and Colby left for South Africa for good. Remembered crying a river in school and some kids offering me tissue. Took a while before I got my groove back, and I learned that the part some people play in my life has to end in one way or another. In this case, it left me with a very painful memory which I’ve learned to accept in the next few months.
June
A broken heart is best cured by shopping. After getting the go signal from my dad, I purchased (on a 12-month installment with 0% interest) the perfect alternative to a boyfriend - my Creative Zen Vision:M. Could keep me company for the next 10 years (unless they come up with a 100GB capacity or more) and forget about interpersonal relationships, especially when it’s stuffed with the latest videos and indie music.
July
The busiest month of the year. Schoolwork was up to my neck, and on top of that, review classes for the LET. Equals zero social life and time for myself. Felt really bad about the whole thing. Stresstabs became my best friend then.
August
Last day of the month was the LET. Twas easy actually, but the agony of preparing for it was more nerve-wracking. Thank God it’s over. Remembered I was dead scared that I erased my answer on an item that could have meant zero for me.
September
Started my boxing career hahaha! Twas awkward at first but I think Elorde’s become my third home (Toddlers being the second), especially now that Geoff trains regularly
November
Passed the LET and attended the oathtaking rites. This one down, just my Master’s degree to go. Yay!
December
Christmas always brings good food and fond memories. Still could not bring myself to attend Simbang Gabi. Got great gifts from my kids, and felt good that I got my family good gifts too. Greetings from well-meaning friends always warms my heart.

The whole year has been peppered with funny and heartwarming memories courtesy of the kids in school, family days, and gimmicks with friends old and new. Glad to be part of BCG’s night group that’s never complete with booze, lobsters, crispy pata, and now, massages!
Big thanks to those people who have stood by me all these years and to new friends who have shared a great deal with me in the short time we’ve known each other. Here’s hoping you stay around to become old friends

It’s still my kids’ quips and hugs that make my life less ordinary. As well as seeing Geoff in the boxing gym, Prison Break, Grey’s Anatomy marathons, good food, good conversations, laugh trips with Jing and Bianca
After a tremendous lobster dinner at Harbor Place tonight, BCG told me he was asked who among us 3 (Kirs, Moi and me) will be the most successful. He said he didn’t know, but he’s sure it will be me who will be happiest. Goes on to tell me how proud he is that I knew what I wanted and I went for it. People like him makes life extraordinary!
This song’s a current favorite, many thanks to Bianca. Maybe I’ve elicited such sentiments in the past, but if a guy could write a song like this for me, maybe I’ll reconsider mwahahaha!

Life Less Ordinary
Carbon Leaf

Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me
Live a life less sedentary
Live a life evolutionary with me
Well I hate to be a bother,
But it’s you and there’s no other, I do believe
You can call me naive but…
I know me very well (at least as far as I can tell)
And I know what I need

The night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me
By the way, I do know why you stayed away…
I will keep tongue-tied next time

Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me
My face had said too much
Before our hands could even touch
To greet a ‘hello’
(So much for going slow…)
A little later on that year
I told you that I loved you dear
What do you know?
This you weren’t prepared to hear
I’m a saddened man, I’m a broken boy
I’m a toddler with a complex toy
I’ve fallen apart, since the ambush on your heart

The night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me.
By the way, I do know why you stayed away
I will keep tongue-tied but…

Honey understand. Honey understand. I won’t make demands
Honey understand. Honey understand. We could walk without a plan.
Honey understand(Honey). Honey understand. I won’t rest in stone all alone
Honey understand. Honey understand. I’m all ready to go
But you already know…

Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me.
If I could name you in this song
Would it make you smile and sing along?
This is the goal: to get into your soul
If I could make you dance for joy
Could that be the second-chance to coy?
The bird-in-hand I would need
To help you understand?

The night you came into my life
well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me
By the way I do know why you stayed away
I will keep tongue-tied next time…

First sunset of 2007. The play on sunlight simultaneously stirs questions that seek to spice up the year of the fire pig.
How coincidental can coincidence be?
A friend with whom I’ve had a falling out with sometime March I bumped into in a Subic resto yesterday. His family definitely recognized me because they were staring. I wasn’t sure if they were dagger looks tho. I thought I’ve seen the last of them until I saw them checking in at the hotel we’re staying in, and they got rooms on the same floor! Side-by-side parking spaces, meals on adjacent tables yet we avoid each other’s gazes. Finally couldn’t take the heavy, awkward atmosphere, I texted him to comment that we were wearing uniforms - blue shirts and white shorts. I have yet to receive his reply. I may have been mistaken thinking that things are okay since he greeted me during the holidays but I guess it will never be the same again. Don’t things normally happen for a reason? So how come this? Walang point kasi kahit magkaayos kami, hanggang dun na lang yon.
Have I been running away all this time?
I begin to think that my initial reaction when faced with adversity may be scoffed by a lot for its immaturity. Running away, severing ties… will there be more this year? Will I still be able to mend them? Can I acquire the strength to stand my ground and handle my affairs as wise as any other mature 27-year-old?
What’s in store for me?
I’ve heard Monkeys will be generally lucky this year. But some say we’ll have a tough time. It’s basically my work and school stuff that I have to worry about. The rest will have to take a backseat for the meantime. However the more I say this, the more I encounter things that set me back emotionally. Sigh.
Here’s hoping I get back into the groove of things soon.